A Diary of Love
by thatsyou
Summary: Pepper Potts has a diary about a certain person.
1. 12th May 2009

A Diary of Love

Summary: Pepper Potts has a diary about a certain person.

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Monday, 12th May 2009

Dear Diary,

Today was just a day.

I know I shouldn't have screamed at him this morning when he stormed into my new office, demanding an explanation about my behavior. I've had a lot of work to do at the office and I wasn't in a mood to argue about something as stupid as my behavior.

Of course that Tony was - _is _worried about the nature of our relationship. I haven't been this angry at him in a long time and I think that I have my reasons for not talking to him.

But deep inside I still feel that pain that tells me to stop and leave him behind, because as much as I love him I can't go on like this. A single tear escapes my eyes as I write this, because only now I realize how stupid I've been.

He made me CEO out of nowhere. I couldn't even say 'no', because he gave me no chance to open my mouth. He just grabbed my arm and stared intensely into my eyes. Damn those chocolate eyes. I close my eyes tightly and a few more tears fall down my cheeks.

My chest actually hurts now when I think about him and the fact that he doesn't need me anymore. That's why he replaced me.

He kept that damned suit and the risks that go along with it. I'm so afraid that he's going to die someday and now… _now _I'm even more afraid because I'm not there with him anymore. I should feel relieved, but I'm not.

The realization hits hard. He lied when he said that I was the only one he's got. There's the simple truth… he kept the suit and gave up me. There's nothing left. Nothing… I should have known that he was lying to me. I've seen him lying before, but I was too blind.

Anyway he's got another assistant to keep him busy. Hopefully he'll stop nagging me about stupid things like the one this morning.

And he can finally fuck her. Fuck someone. I don't care… I just want to forget everything.

That night in particular…

P.S – I've got a lot to catch up and I hope I can finish work till midnight.

-

Review please!


	2. 13th May 2009

A Diary of Love

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Tuesday, 13th May 2009

Diary,

I can't believe how much I hate him. Okay… that's not true because I love him, but still – he didn't have any right to _just _name me CEO without asking me first.

Guess what? He's avoiding me. I wonder if he's mad because I screamed at him yesterday. Anyway, he's not my boss any longer. _I _am the boss now.

A small part inside of me feels sorry about the way I treated him, and sometimes I just want to hug him or kiss him right on his perfect lips. Not possible now, with all his attention drawn to his new pa. I'm so freaking jealous now that I'm shaking from head to toe.

She is completely unprofessional… but I'm not entirely surprised by it.

Today when we were in the conference room he stared at her for half an hour until I couldn't take it anymore and snapped at him. He grumbled something under his breath as he went outside. Later on when we finished for the day he looked at me with a sad smile and muttered: 'I don't like how you treat me.'

What an idiot! Can't he see how much I hate him and love him at the same time?

I hope he won't do anything he'll regret later – like fucking his pa sensless.

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Thanks for encouraging me. Keep those reviews coming!!!


	3. 17th May 2009

A Diary of Love

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17 May 2009

Midnight thoughts…

It's too late for me to think straight, but I'll give it a try.

I shouldn't have accepted to go to his damn party or whatever he calls it, because it really _wasn't_ a 'party' for me. I think he must have put a lot of soul into this one, because I haven't seen him having so much fun since he'd come back home from being held captive.

I suppose that he invited me just so he wouldn't hurt me any more than he had by promoting me. Of course that in the end I ended up even more hurt than before, just because he wouldn't let _his assistant _out of his sight. Every single _damn _time I saw them together I wanted to scream and run before I'd loose all my sanity.

Instead of being coward I decided to be indifferent, which worked better in the end.

I ruined all my make-up on the way back home and I must admit that I almost ended up in a tree, about a mile from my beach condo. This was the worst day of my whole life!

Except maybe the day I found out that he was kidnapped, but in all truth – I feel more beaten up than that day. I thought we were getting close until _she _popped out from god knows where and stole him away… sent him drooling after her big tits and ass.

Dear God, what was I thinking that night when I leaned in to kiss him? Please don't answer that because I know the truth.

The darkness of his eyes when he stared at me from behind her, the _almost _subtle curl of his lips when he teased her and the way he tried to get as close as he could to her swaying body… Everything he does now – with _her, _drives me away even further.

I don't want to love this arrogant bastard he's become overnight. I want to stop thinking and dreaming about him all the time.

This can't go on like this. I will try to change out of this black dress, take a shower and go to sleep and I will pretend that a stupid oversized pillow it's actually him, and that he's holding me in his arms – the same arms that were around _her _tonight.

I will sleep better.

I know that.

-

There you go. Review please!


	4. 1st June 2009

A Diary of Love

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1 June 2009

This feels better

Hello there. I missed you.

I'm so sorry that I haven't written anything in ages, but I swear I have a good explanation for all of this.

Besides working until abnormal hours and going home almost at midnight I am fine. Fine as in the 'crying phase' stopped a few days ago when I suddenly realized that maybe he's doing it just because I refused to be his girlfriend.

So now I decided to be mean. Mean as if keeping him on his toes and not letting him hurt me anymore.

Earlier today I spotted him sitting on the couch in his new office. He had his laptop sitting on his lap and he looked relaxed. I sighed then and looked him over a bit. Okay… so I recognize. I am crazy in love with everything that's him and looking him over wasn't anything I haven't done before, so I allowed myself to clear my throat before actually starting yet another awkward conversation.

He looked at me and smiled; his eyes warm and friendly. I couldn't let myself believe that this was really happening so I quickly walked in front of him and took the laptop from his lap with a venomous glance, telling him that he had to get ready to go to the meeting. He missed it last week and it couldn't wait any longer.

His smile quickly faded away along with the warmth of his eyes. I actually scared a little when I saw that they turned a darker shade and that they were almost black. There was something else in his eyes and I really couldn't put my fingers on it. I thought he was going to say something or to make a witty remark about the laptop grabbing thing, but he said nothing.

I heard a door close behind me and I turned to see Miss Romanoff showing off her white teeth at me. My eyes quickly drifted downward, but I struggled to keep them on her face. The bitch was actually smirking.

In a moment or two I smirked too, hah. Game goes on.

She said something like 'Tony won't go to the meeting. I've got something to tell him.' She calls him Tony… fucking bitch.

I replied back, not wanting to fight with her, especially _not _wanting him to figure out that I was actually _jealous. _'Clearly you have, Miss Romanoff. Now, if you're kind Mr. Stark will attend the meeting, just because he _missed _it last week and this time it can't be rescheduled.'

Tony said nothing. I could feel his eyes burning into my back and I wished so badly he would stop doing that because it made my knees buckle.

Meanwhile Natasha stared at me for a minute or so before Tony spoke. His voice was soft, but had a faint hint of broken. I turned my eyes to him and I saw that he was sitting right behind me, the arc reactor shining softly from beneath his shirt.

He said he'll go and I leaned a bit into him and whispered 'Will that be all, Tony?'

I actually exhaled a breath I didn't know I held when I saw how his eyes dilated at my question. He babbled a bit – yes God!!! – And quickly walked past me and _past her. _

I finally feel some satisfaction.

-

How's this as revenge? Do you like Pepper like this?


	5. 5th June 2009

A Diary of Love

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5 June 2009

(No Subject)

This is bad.

I just got back from a business meeting in London. It took me five hours to finally open my laptop and write this. It's a bit pathetic, - but given the change of the time zone and the fact that I rescheduled all of my appointments for tomorrow - I think I'm allowed.

I spent over three days in London overwhelmed by dozens of meetings. Well, _that_ and I've been surprised when one certain ex-boss of mine showed up at the hotel I was staying, claiming that he had forgotten the pin of his card and that he had lost his phone. It was pretty lame, I must admit. I almost laughed when I saw the innocent look on his face – the look I used to ignore way back when I was his assistant.

He pretty much tried to let himself into the suite, but with a hand on his chest I told him that I don't need visitors. He looked hurt for approximatively five seconds before he chuckled and asked me if he could borrow my credit card.

Can you imagine how infuriating the whole scene was? And most of all, can you imagine how confusing was the fact that Tony Stark was practically at my door, asking for some money which I knew he possessed. I've seen him lying before and I didn't want to give him my credit card. I didn't want to argue either, so I grabbed my purse and gave him the card.

With a smirk he refused it and slowly pushed me out of his way so he could duck inside. I growled at him and told him to piss off. I didn't want him so close to me. Especially now when I finally got used to the idea of him not being my boss anymore.

It was hard because I wanted so badly to jump him. He looked so amazing and he smelled like heaven and I could barely restrain myself from ripping his clothes off.

He stood with his back towards me and I could see how much he was trying to control his anger. I didn't know why he was angry in the first place, but anyway I tried to ignore the fact that he was even there in the same room with me.

I went to the small kitchen because I really needed an aspirin _and _I needed to run away from him as soon as possible. I let out a nervous laugh when I felt his warm arm around my waist and I closed my eyes when he pulled me to him.

That was the most terrifying thing of the whole night. Except this…

His words were more shocking than anything else. I did the best I could to ignore his frank words. I grabbed his hand and whimpered when he took a step back.

"You're mad because I chose the suit over you, Pep?" I didn't respond because that was only half of the truth. I was mad because he _chose _to make me jealous with the help of that whore-assistant. He might have slept with her and now he was trying to intimidate me. Jesus Christ. I thought I would slap him because I felt so angry at him.

In an instant he turned me so that I was facing him and my heart throbbed so hard in my chest I thought it would pop out when he leaned in. I was frozen.

But before our lips touched he stopped. It was the same scenario as the night on the rooftop. I couldn't believe it. Instead of demanding a vodka martini he smirked and said 'Can't forget that night'.

What should have I said?

Instead of agreeing that – yes, I can't forget that one either. I can't stop thinking about that night, I can't stop thinking about you and how your hands felt on my skin. I can't stop thinking about your eyes when I wanted to kiss you.

And last of all, I want to forget how much you hurt me when you never came back that night.

It was lame. I agree.

I pretty much kicked him out after that, but hey!!! I'm so freakin' happy right now. He just proved that he's still thinking about it and never forgotten it like I thought.

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Review please!!! And sorry for the late update. :) Promise I'll update faster.


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